Relationships and Communication - Key factors in life and transition
With over 20+ years commercial experience, thousands of hours worked and people/professionals met, having been around long enough to see theories re-hashed and re-formed (but often saying the same thing as their predecessor), I’ve concluded, that to excel in work and life in general, it all comes down to relationships and communication.
And this is even more true at this time of transition, as many of us return to more full schedules, often not of our own making! School and childcare hours. Extra- curricular activities. Not to mention our own jobs, and other personal vices and needs!
Relationships and the communications that exist between us are, in my opinion the bedrock on which we thrive or merely survive… or worse. If we, in particular during times of ease and flow, invest in our relationships, taking time to get to fully know ourselves and those with whom we work/do life with, then when faced with times of transition or hardship, all parties have a much better chance of faring well.
The most important relationship we can ever have is with ourselves, and much of the foundational work that I do with my clients, facilitates them to get to know themselves really, really well. Often for the first time. From here, and from a place of fullness, they can choose how to respond, how to connect and with whom, and how to support and encourage those they work with/care about.
When we leave investing in relationships and communication to times of transition or crises, it can be much harder to manage well. Assumptions can be made. People are typically more reactive than responsive. There can be fertile ground for grudges and hurts, real or imagined, on both sides.
Twenty+ years of working with all kinds of well- educated and well-meaning people has shown me, time and time again, that the people that spend time actively “seeing the person behind the job,” actively listening and caring and being there for others, cultivating clearer and clearer communications, have a resource into which they can lean, when faced with transition and hardship. In fact, many of these relationships actually become stronger and more resilient in these more challenging times, because they have managed the foundations and the bedrock so purposefully, and so well.
So, if you’re interested in being more active in this space, what can you do?
- First off, invest time in getting to know yourself. What resources you? What drains you? What are your needs, frustrations, goals, and what are the signs when you feel under-resourced or frustrated?
- Who are the people that you want to invest in, and to build really brilliant relationships with?
- Take stock of where things currently are between you, and ideally have a conversation about it. Are you on the same page? Are there are any relationships you need to gently shed?
- Agree “the terms” of your relationships. Not all relationships serve the same need for us all. Be sure to differentiate. Remember, others can only meet us where they are at, and this may not be where and how we want them to be! Nonetheless, it is important to mutually understand and agree the purpose of each relationship that you have
- Watch your language. Stay away from typically incendiary terms like “always” and “never.” What other terms might ignite each of you? How do you agree to stay in touch and up to date with each other? What forms of communication work best for you? Where can you improve?
Study after study shows that those who thrive well into their elder years, have a strong sense of purpose and community. Relationships and communication are at the heart of this!
None of us are perfect. We all start with where we are, but taking responsibility for ourselves, and in how we show up for ourselves and others is a hallmark of a life well-lived and thoroughly enjoyed!
